I’ve Got It! (And You Don’t!)

An Assembling God’s Puzzle video

By Fr. Garry Richmeier, C.PP.S.

Human beings have a lot of problems getting along with each other, and there are no simple solutions or magic formulas that instantly solve our relational problems. There are no magic bullets that will get rid of all our disagreements. I would be foolish to suggest that there are such things, although many people out there are promoting their “solution” as the definitive answer to our divisions.

Despite the lack of silver bullets, there are, in my opinion, things that we can do that come close to uniting us in how we live and work together. If nothing else, they make working out our differences more manageable, with less division and animosity. And figuring out that piece of life’s puzzle would be well worth our while.

But before I get to what it is that would work, it’s good to recognize what doesn’t work.

Each of us holds the views we have because we think those views are right, or good, or correct. It would be absurd to think I would hold a view that I believed was wrong. And there are almost as many different views out there as there are human beings.
All of them cannot be “correct,” or the “right” one, but each of us tends to believe that “I’ve got it” (the answer, the truth, the facts, etc.). And in the next breath we say “and you don’t have it” (you’re wrong, delusional, evil, etc.). If we engage in debate at all, our goal is to win the battle of who is right and who is wrong. Much mud-slinging, sarcastic barbs, insults, violence, and even war often follows as we defend our positions.

Groups participate in this dynamic too. Countries argue about which economic system is the “right” one. And they go to war over it sometimes. We have an excellent example of this with what is happening in our government today, especially between Republicans and Democrats. Religions are famous for proclaiming that they have “the truth,” or that they teach what God really says, or that they exclusively have the accurate interpretation of scripture.

Approaching our differences this way sows division and perpetrates harm. It saddens me to think how many families have been torn apart because of the parents’ rejection of their gay child. Or how many wars were waged because each side was entrenched in its views. Or how many people were burned as witches. Or how many “heretics” were executed because of rigid religious ideology.

So what would work, or at least, would work better? First of all, introducing a little more humility into my approach is necessary. If I am not perfect, I do not have “it,” or not all of it at least. Humility involves entertaining the possibility that my view is only part of the bigger picture of what actually is there. It’s like the three blind people who come across an elephant, and none have experienced an elephant before. One touches the trunk and says that the animal is like a tree limb. One touches a leg and says the animal is like a tree trunk. The other grabs the tail and says that the animal is like a snake. None of them is wrong, but they each have only part of the picture.

What helps a person grow in this type of thinking, or this type of humility, is practicing a healthy curiosity on a daily basis. If a person makes a habit of often asking “I wonder what else is out there besides what I know or see,” they are far less likely to entrench themselves in one rigid viewpoint with no hope of change or growth.

Another thing that helps us deal with our divisions is cultivating a little more compassion in understanding others. This involves reminding ourselves often that others are in the same boat as we are, having only part of the picture but thinking they have it all. This can help us have conversations designed to collaboratively combine our views to come to a greater understanding of reality. Also, we need to always be aware that when people’s views are attacked, they often feel they themselves are being attacked, and will defend themselves by attacking back. Keeping this in mind can help us have discussions about the merits of each view without resorting to denigrating the other in some way for holding their view.

Someone once said that the louder a person argues, the weaker their position is, and — I would add — the less secure they are about their view. By practicing a little more humility, and nurturing a little more compassion, we won’t have to shout, or demonize, or fight, or be afraid of being proven wrong. We can then direct that energy toward putting all our viewpoints and experiences together to come up with ways that make our lives together better.

All of the videos in this series can be found here: Assembly God’s Puzzle.

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[Fr. Garry Richmeier, a Precious Blood priest and spiritual director, holds a Master’s of Divinity Degree from St John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota, and a Master’s of Counseling Psychology degree from the University of Missouri-Kansas City. He is a licensed professional counselor and a licensed marriage and family therapist.]

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